Welcome to Australia

From my all time favorite director, Baz Luhrmann, who brought the world my favorite movie...



Comes another movie... that I'm really excited for... AUSTRALIA.

Now, Country Westerns and War are probably two of my least favorite movie genres of all time... and this one combines both... BUT I am super excited to see it, all because the master genius Baz Luhrmann is directing it.

Unlike other directors who have a huge reputation and always seem to disappoint lately... Baz ONLY comes out with a movie when he is absolutely passionate about it and has had a hand in everything, making sure it will be absolutely amazing. His Red Curtain Trilogy, telling stories of dance, words, and music (Strictly Ballroom, Romeo + Juliet, and Moulin Rouge! respectively) was an absolute epic success in my mind. I found all three to be brilliant.

This is the first movie he's directed outside of the RCT, so he doesn't have the specific points of view and goals as were obvious in the RCT, but I'm confident that he'll bring us something grand yet again!

I LOVE Nicole Kidman, and I got chills from the Wizard of Oz reference in the preview below... to most of you who don't really know, I read all 14 of L. Frank Baum's Oz books when I was little; it was my favorite series growing up. If there is truly any parallel in this movie, I will die.

I can't wait! I'M SO EXCITED!

PREVIEW TIME!

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Walk It Out Fosse!!!

Any and all Fosse fans should love this!

To any of you who don't know who Bob Fosse is... just watch this:



Bob Fosse was one of the greatest, and my favorite, choreographer of the 50's-70's, creating his own, very distinguishable jazz style. If you recall, I was super excited during rehearsals for Pajama Game, to perform Steam Heat - another famous Fosse choreographed number.



I have had the absolute pleasure of working with a woman at Bloomington Civic Theatre by the name of Christine Fournier; who actually has done many original broadway tours with Fosse himself. She taught us the original choreography for How to Succeed in Business, and helped come up with a very Fosse-esque Steam Heat - without mimicing the original.

The whole reason I tell you about Fosse, is because my friend Heather told me of this AMAZING video on Youtube... it's a mash between Fosse's "Mexican Breakfast" choreography, starring Gwen Verdon, and Soldiaboy's Walk it Out... HILARIOUS!

First, just watch some of the original...


And now, watch the remix... AMAZING!

Let's See Yours Now... ... OW! - Teeth Review

Over a few glasses of wine and a pizza, my great friend Heather and I watched a movie we had been anticipating for months; Teeth. Now, if you're ever looking for a new comedy/thriller with a cult classic appeal, then I definitely suggest you see this movie. It will have you clasping your mouth shut with your hand in shock/disgust while causing you to laugh hysterically at the same time.

Dawn O'Keefe (a brilliant play on the artist Georgia O'Keeffe; most famously known for her paintings of flowers inspired by the female genitalia) was born with a case of Vagina Dentata (sharp teeth in her down-there parts); making the movie's catch phrase "Every Rose Has Its Thorns" very befitting. She grew up with a strong belief that one should always wait until their wedding day to have sex, and that masturbation is a horrible sin. She is completely oblivious to her condition until the influence of sex surrounds her, and she starts contemplating on fooling around with a boy she likes at school. The following is an amazingly gruesome, graphic, and extremely uproarious story of sexual discovery and PAIN that will have many a guy a little scared to venture into the unknown depths again. (Much like my temporary fear of the shower after seeing the movie "IT" when I was in junior high.) All I can say, is that this is one of many instances where I am thankful for being gay!

The movie was directed brilliantly, in my opinion. The whole crew, and all of the actors, knew very well that the story they were telling was absurd, and so there are many moments (from certain comical faces, to just plainly absurd characters/scenes) where the actor/director bring you back from the horror and say 'it's all a joke, just relax'.

Jess Weixler with Josh Pais behind her, in Teeth.
HAHAHAHA, one of the best parts! LOVE IT!

Jess Weixler does a great job portraying the innocence, curiosity, and absolute confusion of Dawn. You really feel a little pity for her character, and are only excited for her when she dons her 'red nipples' (a Showgirls reference for all of you fans out there).

Two of my absolute favorite characters in the whole show are Brad (Dawn's brother who introduces a very funny, quasi-incestuous theme to the story), played by the oh so talented John Hensley (Nip/Tuck), and Dr. Godfrey (Dawn's new gynecologist who is only shown briefly, but in one of the best scenes of the entire movie), played by Josh Pais. These two made the movie so much more enjoyable to me. I loved their characters, and found myself laughing the most when they were on camera. Of course, all of the acting was great, but these two really did it for me.

John Hensley in Teeth.
That picture to the right of his head almost made me crap my pants in laughter when I first saw it... You might have to take a close look to see what I mean... SO FUNNY!!

All in all, if you have a strong stomach, and aren't easily offended by the idea of a sex farce, then find Teeth today and watch it! I was very tempted to steal it from my friend Heather, but I guess that just means I'll have to go out and buy myself a copy to have for some cocktail party in the future! Holy buckets, that's genius! I'll serve little cocktail weenies, and maybe red wine or any other red alcohol... it'll be divine! YAY!

PREVIEW TIME!!!

Videos only appear on the blog site. Click here to go there now.

Shalom Shelob!

This was me last night... and yes, I'm talking about Sam, not Frodo. I didn't have a sword, but I did have a mirror...

Yeah, I met my own Shelob last night, and I nearly wet my pants in fear...

Now, I don't know what phobias you readers might have, if any (you strong brutes you), but I can tell you what turns me into a big ole sissy... and that, if it's not obvious yet, is spiders...

Last night, I went to my friend Chris' to housesit/dogsit. I've talked about his house and his cute little pug Harry in a previous post.

It's kind of funny that the one and only other time I've talked about house sitting here, was the one and only other time I tagged a post as 'scary'. Believe me, last night was SCARY.

I got to Chris' house, used my headlights this time to see the front door as everything was pitch black again, and after I was settled in, I was about to go to bed when I saw a HUGE spider, one of, if not THE biggest spider I have EVER seen inside a house.

It had created a web behind a gigantic mirror that Chris has propped up on the ground just centimeters next to his sliding glass door in the living room. I watched in terror as I watched it crawl out of sight behind the mirror. It must have been living there in secret for a while, because after I had tilted the mirror a little bit away from the wall, I noticed it's web covered a large patch of the hidden surface. It was very thick, like a wad of stretched cotton balls, and when I moved the mirror even further from the wall, the web sounded like velcro as it ripped apart.

Thankfully, the spider didn't move too much as I tore up its home. I was able to position the mirror so the edge was directly over the center of the spider, and I pressed it hard against the wall; killing it instantly.

SHABAM!!!!

Shelob wasn't killed instantly, but this isn't HIS story... he's just my visual comparison... as I couldn't take any pictures of my culprit... I was too petrified.

It sounds a little calculated and calm, but believe me... I tried to get Harry to attack it first... but he's too sweet, he wouldn't hurt a fly - although he did try to maul a squirrel today.

Unfortunately, the one and only PERFECT Youtube video for this entry has Embedded disabled per request, so I cannot have it conveniently displayed for direct viewing on my blog :( To see it, you've gotta click on Shelob's face! Go on! I DARE YOU!

What Else Is New In The Year 2000?

The only REALLY good picture of Conan I've seen. I like it!

Some predictions made during Conan O'Brian's 2004 'futuristic' comedy skit "In the Year 2000" have included

"In the year 2000, America will know I (Drew Carey) am not their daddy's Price is Right host when I launch the new game 'Two in the Plinko, one in the Stinko"

"In the year 2000, Della Reese will star in a spin-off of Touched By An Angel, called Touched By A Huge Black Woman."

"In the year 2000, The number '3' will be outlawed, thereby making all omelets either too large or too small." ... And my birthday will disappear :(

"In the year 2000, Animals will take over the farm just like in the novel Animal Farm, butinstead of setting up a failed communist regime, they will simply go poop in the house."

"In the year 2000, Singer Meatloaf will become a spokesman for a company that makes meat loaf, Vanilla Ice will become a spokesman for a company that makes vanilla ice, and MC Hammer will be arrested for stealing a bike."

"In the year 2000, It will be revealed that the only reason the mitten was invented was because something cute was needed to rhyme with kitten."

"In the year 2000, instead of plumping when you cook them, Ball Park franks will MOAN when you suck them"

and MANY more... but none were as prophetic as this one... made during the 2004 James Lipton Edition.




"In the year 2000, Batman will admit he's gay, and Clay Aiken will admit he's Batman." ... it's haunted my dreams ever since I heard it all the way back on it's 2004 debut date - and I never watch Conan...

... now of course the statement is not all true... we all know that Christian Bale already admitted to being batman, and I wish that he WAS gay... but regardles... today... the news is spreading like wild fire that Clay Aiken's national coming out is in the next issue of People Magazine. He just had a child with his friend and music producer, Jaymes Foster (are we sure this is a girl?... just kidding! :P) and he refuses to raise the child with LIES.

Anyway, here's how this news will be taken by the world...

From the point of view of a Claymaniac...

"They always said you were gay, but i never chose to believe it! I wished that I was the lucky girl you made a baby with, I even had a picture of you stitched on my pillow... but now that pillow will BURN! I hate you for ruining my oh-so-realistic dreams!"

From the point of view of the REST OF THE WORLD...

"What else is new?"

Seriously though, I have a lot of respect in regards to his reasoning... it really wasn't anyone else's business in the first place... but, I'm glad that he has finally felt comfortable enough, and proud enough, to share it with the world and not have a secret that he had to keep from his family and new child. I kind of lived my life by the same rule, and didn't act at all on my being gay before I was out... I refused to live a life that I had to keep secret from those I loved most... so I'll applaud him, but I'm already tired of it all, so... ... oooh Megan Mullally!


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Two to the Zoo! You should see too!

Here we are, my good friend Heather and I, in front of the Minnesota Zoo. As you can see, the sky is blue, the sun is obviously shining (including into our eyes... good idea Heather!), and boy are we excited to see some animals! (Actually, this was taken on the way out of the zoo... but we were still excited anyway.


Heather was SO excited in fact, that she posed like Ariel (the little mermaid) in front of the Dolphin Fountain near the entrance! (This actually was taken before we went inside).

Our first stop was the monkey cage!



One of the monkeys had just had a baby... it was so cute! It was the most hyper of all the monkeys, but didn't do much climbing. It stayed down by the 'adult' monkeys, who mostly sat in the shade, grooming each other, while the younger adolescent monkeys splashed in the pool and chased each other around the trees.

Next up were the Meerkats! SO Lion King!




We temporarily got stuck INSIDE the Meerkat exhibit! HELP! AHHHH!!!!!!!!

We then started heading down the trails... first up, their temporary exhibit, The Grizzly Coast!


One of the women taught her children that this was a seal... ... she was corrected by another woman in her party, but even after that the woman said "Aren't seals and otters the same thing?"... these are the people parenting the kids of our tomorrow...



BEARS!!! They were so friendly, and sharing a large pond in the hot sun... They seemed rather happy, especially the one that played with its feet while swimming... the zoo has TALENTED animals!



When we were standing next to the Wild Hogs, a very serious girl asked "How can they be wild if they are in the zoo?" Such the philosopher she was... we just wanted to have fun and see the animals, so we left the super serious girl behind.


Heather is "Takin" the world by storm! Watch out! :)


These are real Takin animals... I had never heard of them... and didn't actually read up on them... we were busy laughing at all the silly children around us, and their SILLY parents... "You don't want to jump down there and be their lunch do you? I think Takin eat Stevens for lunch!" ... again... a fine example of the people parenting the kids of our tomorrow...



I LOVE ME SOME FAT PRAIRIE DOGS!!! AWWWWW!!!!



We were trying to teach you about the Moose's antlers, silly people!

UH OH!! THE TIGER LAIR!!!!!








Oh we had fun at the Tiger Lair! That's for sure!

Next up was the Minnesota Trail - Now, we heard a woman say something that would actually be considered a fun thing to tell children... however... she was there with other adults... and NO children... this is what she said... "All of these animals are in Minnesota! That's why it's called the Minnesota Trail!"... OY.


DUCK BUTT!







After the Minnesota Trail, we went down the Tropical Trail!!! I was most excited for this one... but it kind of turned out to be somewhat of a dud... Maybe it was all the screaming babies, and the really dark tunnels that were NOT good for pictures...


We did find a fun Turtle Statue!... notice the baby... she wasn't there when we started posing for the picture, but her mom thought it would be a nice piece of the background, so she moved her into the shot.


That honeycomb must have been made of poop... I tells ya!






A LOT of the fish showed me their butt the very second I took the picture... oh well.


With our highly inappropriate humor... we thought this coral sign was rather funny...


Like I said... DARK tunnels with not good lighting for pictures...


And I don't even remember what this thing was... but it was kind of cute, so I took a picture!

After that we watched the monkeys more... and then left. Seriously, the zoo is great, but I doubt you'll ever find a day to go when there aren't billions of screaming children running around... that was the only down part, but we laughed at most of them... I don't know what my parents did right, but I can say that I never threw a tantrum like these kids did... I would maybe pout, but I wouldn't scream at the top of my lungs at my mom because she didn't buy me ice cream. Plus, a lot of the children were LARGE for their size/age, but with parents teaching them that Otters are Seals, what can you expect? :P

Yeah I Bit Unemployement, And I'd Do It Again!

So, I recently decided that temping was the perfect way to work full time jobs and get paid OK money, but still be able to pursue theatre, leave work for a few months if I got a tour or another Chan gig, and still have work to go back to when I was done.

I signed on with a temping agency in downtown minneapolis, and the next day I started working for a company on the 21st floor of the the AT&T tower. Now, if I were to tell you that the AT&T tower is the blue building in the picture above, that wouldn't really narrow it down... not in the Minneapolis skyline anyway.

It's the squat one with a lot of personality on the left. The one that is SUPER reflective... it shimmers at night, and if you're in the right spot during the day it could look like this...

Oooooh!

I mainly do data entry stuff... which is fun... but the real entertainment comes at lunch time... when everyone gathers in the lunch room on Floor 22, where the view is just amazing I might add... and we watch tv. Now, most of the time it's HGTV, which isn't that entertaining to me, especially since I usually take a 30 minute lunch instead of a 60 minute lunch, and most HGTV shows are an hour... doesn't usually work well... but some times we watch those tacky Judge shows, which make me happy...

Yesterday, it was Judge Mathis... which is the inspiration for this entry... a girl was suing her former friend (they're always former friends) for biting off the tip of her finger during a cat fight... in the end the plaintiff won, and they had both women standing directly outside the courtroom with a security guard towering between them, as the girls were arguing with eachother... again... but this time they weren't even looking at eachother, it was hilarious...

"Yeah, I bit her finger, and I'd do it again if she sticks it in my mouth again!" (this woman had been denying it the WHOLE time until now.)

"She's just stupid. Why would I put my finger in her mouth?"

"You did it once! That's why I bit it!"

"I didn't put my finger in your mouth, you put your mouth over my finger!"

"Uh huh, whatever"

"Whatever"

Apparently, the clip I found is a goody too, even though it's from a different episode... I haven't yet been able to watch the whole thing, but maybe this episode will actually be on tv today during lunch... that would be fun. Oh the excitements of corporate world.

UPDATE... no Judge shows today... not even HGTV... but Sports Central... I usually only fall asleep during work, but now on my lunch break too? Great... :P