Dontseemepeephobia

Guys in the coporate world are so weird when it comes to going to the bathroom, at least the ones on my floor are. A majority of them seem to have this insane fear of being seen in the bathroom. They purposefully will avoid anyone and everyone else that's in the room with them.

Granted, I'm not asking them to shake my hand as I stand at the urinal, but they act as if every other guy but themselves has some airborne disease that they need to get away from. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule, such as the humorless albino clown who is so comfortable he texts while peeing... but that's just gross.

If you ever walk into the men's bathroom in my department and there is a guy at one urinal, but the other is free, you can pretty much guarantee that if you walk up to that empty urinal the other guy will pack up and run away as fast as possible solely to avoid some imaginary feeling of awkwardness. If the man doesn't run away, you know he's testing his strength not to - or he's completely comfortable with himself - these seem to be a rarity around here.

To my surprise today, I walked into the bathroom and both urinals were occupied, so I snuck into a stall. One of the guys flushed his urinal, and walked out - I didn't hear the sink. Then, the other guy flushed his urinal just before I flushed mine. I opened the stall door and the man was pretty much running for the door. Yes sir, watch out for my medusa eyes! If I see you in the bathroom I will turn you to stone and you will be embarassed for the rest of your life as we reconnect the pipes and turn your mouth into a bidet!

What is up with guys and not washing your hands anyways? Neither of these guys even stopped to do the somewhat popular half-ass and soapless water toss. I mean come on! First of all, it only takes a maximum of thirty seconds to wash and dry your hands (unless it's an air dryer, at that point you might take up to a minute). And if you're going to approach the sink, you only turn the faucet on with one hand anyway, so dispense some soap in the other at the same time! I know most of you guys can multitask! It's not hard!

When I leave the bathroom I almost feel like my hand washing was for nothing. There are two doors that you have to go through to exit or enter the bathroom, and in between them is a hallway of only 4 or 5 feet that doesn't do anything but connect the two doors, it's rather pointless, but with so many guys who don't wash their hands the two door handles are pretty much riddled with germs. I'm not a germ freak, but when you break it down I clean my hands of my germs just to attach other people's germs to them. It's kind of disgusting.

Every now and then the bathroom smells like lemon pez. It's heavenly.

There's also a smaller private bathroom with only one door, but I stay away from this at all cost. This is the crapper bathroom because it's built for only one person and the person going number 2 has all the privacy they would need. However, this bathroom was made extremely poorly and has close to no ventilation. I only walked in there once - when I was stuck behind a family of 10 people who took up the entire hallway leading to the other bathroom and were walking about .5 miles an hour. I will never go back.

Yay for family guy video today!


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