The Word Corporation Means...

boring... bland... statistics... performance reviews... rules... guidelines... suitcases... water coolers... a life of gray... gray suits... gray cubicles... gray coffee cups... gray expressions... gray hearts... no wonder why Milton was so attached to that red stapler.

or, it could also mean 'Town Hall Meetings' like the one we had today - mandatory meetings to tell us workers how we're doing - usually consisting of silly powerpoints that say "1/1 Wonderful!" and the like...

or, as one man said during the Q&A portion of the meeting, "The word corporation means 'making a body'. How is our company working towards doing that? I mean, even geese know to pass information to their next destination"

Shoot me now... please.

What do I care about how my company is working towards "making a body"? To me this either is some gorey literal meaning, close to the skin suit fetish in Silence of the Lambs, or it makes me think of being of one mind, as if I am a small insignificant detail and my only purpose is to serve the collective as a whole - wait, isn't that what I already am? Whatever way, I see no appeal in either of these options.

The topic of call center talk times came up, and boy was it the hot potato in the room. Apparently another of our offices, which resides in New York, has an average talk time of 2 minutes less than our offices - which EXCITINGLY means that their calls are shorter and allow for more calls to be taken every day. Everyone was asking questions about how the statistics of our offices differed - this mainly consisted of two guys (including the goose man above) pretty much complaining about all of the things that they have to do when verifying a caller or documenting a call - the other man even said that he was looked at as pond scum if he didn't include a tax id # in his phone log.

geese... pond scum... a room of hunting Minnesotans... what a party. These two men talked so much, about things that honestly didn't matter, that I think they answered their own question of "where does the 2:00 minute extra talk time come from?"

There was a greasy gleam on the meeting's gray caserole dish though - it was the "feel like a family" time towards the beginning of the meeting where the speaker gives us all a jolly corporate chuckle about their clumsy ventures. We got to make fun of him - a southern man - as he experienced his first Minnesotan winter. The slideshow was... nice, dontcha know.

At one point I turned around and there was Caboose - staring at me from across the room. Well, he was wearing sunglasses - at a corporate meeting inside an office building while it's overcast outside - but I'm pretty sure he was staring.

After the meeting, I came back down to my department to find the Mullet King shaking hands with... get ready for it... the air. There wasn't anyone there... I would be careful if I were you mr Mullet King - or someone might think you're making some inappropriate gesture!

Awww...

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