Here on the Island...

November 1st my small group of 6 people in flexible spending customer service moved from the gigantic call center on the 8th floor of our building to a more intimate location on the 6th floor with the rest of the flexible spending department.

The 6th floor isn't like our other floors. It hasn't been recently rennovated, so the walls and the bathrooms feel completely out of the 80's, even the people on the floor don't modernize it at all. It's a forgotten floor compared to all of the others. I have often referred to my new habitat as the island of misfit toys, and I have been sent there to be forgotten and grow deformed.

Now that last remark is an overexaggeration, but let me give you a list of people I have encountered while on this floor.

1) The boy who wears the same red adidas hoodie every single day. I don't think he cleans it, otherwise it would have been faded and worn out by now. It's disgusting. I hope to God he has a closet full of them. I refuse to walk close enough to him to catch what I would only assume to be a death-enducing smell.

2) The big, white man with the even bigger and whiter afro. He looks like he's wearing an albino clown wig. I once encountered him in the bathroom - I was at one urinal when he approached the other. He then proceeded to go to the bathroom with one hand as he texted with the other.

3) The girl who was walking around one day with a handful of tacks yelling "Ow. Ow. Ow!"

4) All of the mullets on this floor combined make up a misfit. Really, I know that some people like mullets for the sole fact that they're mullets and they're out of style, power to them, but these women still think it's fashionable. Please, don't bring your "party in the back" to work. Tack it up with a neon pink barette, or even better with a big ruffled scrunchie, please.

The scariest encounter I have ever had with a 6th floor misfit was earlier today. It had blog inspiration written all over it. I will try to describe quickly - I can go on tangents and detailed rants, so bear with me.

I first get an e-mail from misfit 5, let's call him the Square-Wheel'ed Caboose, Caboose for short, asking me "Are you family? And I'm not talking about blood related".

I answer, "Yes, I am."

He quickly sends a response back saying, "I have been attracted to you from the very beginning! Even when you were up on the 8th floor in the call center, I would see you and I was just attracted to you from the beginning"

"Oh, that's flattering... thanks..." I had seen Caboose before around the offices. He was pretty flamboyant, and also rather round. While I won't judge someone based on their looks, I unfortunately will base an attraction based on looks, and I frankly wasn't attracted to Caboose.

I got another e-mail."Can I ask you... are you dating someone?"

"Ummm, yeah," I lied, "His name is Ryan" - Ryan Shipley you are now my guinnea pig. You will save me.

"JUST MY LUCK!" he said. "Well, now you know who wants you really bad if you end up breaking up"

This was creepy. I barely knew this guy and he 'wanted me'... Doesn't he realize that actions like this, in a corporate setting, could get a sexual harassment suit in your file?? I ignored the last e-mail. About a half hour later I get another one.

"Are you mad at me!? That look that you gave me in the hallway could have killed."... ... ... what???

"I haven't left my desk since my morning break at 11:00," I honestly told him. "I didn't see you in the hallway"

"WRONG BUDDY! I SAW YOU AT THE ELEVATORS ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO!"

I was honestly getting a little freaked out when I saw this. "No," I responded, "I haven't even been at the elevators since I got here in the am. I think you're mistaken as to who I actually am."

A minute went by, and Caboose was walking down my lane of cubicles. I was on the phone at the time, helping a customer, and he walked behind me and said quietly, as if mumbling to himself but at the same time wanting me to hear: "It was you at the elevators. I know who you are. I'm not crazy. You think I'm crazy? I totally saw you at the elevators"

This kid was NUTS! He took the misfit cake by a mile... mumbling to himself behind me, like he was peeping at me from some hole in the wall and making no attempts to hide the sound of his groaning.

Then... the guy in the cubicle behind me laughed nervously and said "No, you're not crazy. You're right, I was at the elevators"

"SEE!" said Caboose, "I'm not crazy!" and he ran away back up my row of cubicles.

I couldn't help but laugh... my nametag is behind me... Caboose thought it was referring to the guy in the cubicle behind me and so he e-mailed 'Rob' instead of 'Matt' to confess his love... the whole time he thought he was talking to the guy who sits behind me... I sent another email to correct him. He felt like a complete fool, but he still wrote back to me saying, "I knew you were family the entire time. You're cute as hell though too boy." - boy? You're, what, 26? I'm so glad I'm off the hook with this guy. Ryan Shipley, lucky for you, you are off the hook as well! :)

I'll leave you with a fun excerpt that I found somewhat appropriate.

"I'm the official sentry of the 'Isle of Misfit Toys'. My name is--"

"Don't tell me: Jack."

"No, Charlie. That's why I'm a Misfit Toy. My name is all wrong! No child wants to play with a Charlie-In-The-Box so I had to come here!"

-Charlie-In-The-Box from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer